Suck Shack

Serving as the home base for the Podcast About List, the Suck Shack consists of a series of rooms in which people are able to suck or be sucked. The entrance is a hole is the ground which opens into a large cobblestone staircase.

The origin of the Shack’s name stems from Patrick believing that SMP stand for “Suck My Penis,” and that he and Caleb were going to build the “Suck My Penis Shack.” Surprisingly, this is actually canon and was established within the first minutes of entering the server for the first time.

Contents

 * Suck Shack Interior
 * The Ground Beef Room
 * The Mahogany Suck Den
 * CONFLICT: DESERT WORM
 * Bedrooms
 * Jollibee (Under Construction)
 * Suck Shack Slogans
 * Suck Shack Theme Songs
 * Suck Shack Exterior
 * The Fish Pond
 * The Sequoia Forest
 * The “Free Shit” Box
 * The Pen
 * The Evil Hole
 * Future Plans & Rumors
 * Cancelled/Unfinished Rooms
 * Reservations at the Suck Shack
 * The Caleb Pitts Phone Number Leaking Incident
 * How to Get an “Unlimited Sucks” Voucher
 * The First Sucking
 * Notable Customers
 * Controversies
 * The Second Sucking
 * Meta-Controversies
 * Suck Shack Trivia

Suck Shack Interior
There is a lengthy flight of cobblestone stairs leading down to the entrance of the Suck Shack known as the "Suck Well", this foreshadows that they will suck you well. The lobby has a concierge desk with the Suck Shack’s mottos written on signs flanking each side.

Rooms in the Suck Shack include the Ground Beef Room, CONFLICT: DESERT WORM, the “Maghonay Suck Den,” and a Jollibee restaurant (currently under construction.) Patrick and Caleb both have their respective bedrooms located in the lobby located in the Suck Shack’s lobby. There are no bathrooms in the Suck Shack. In Patrick’s words, “You shit on the floor.”

Caleb thinks the entrance of the Suck Shack looks like Squidward, a reference to a quote on Day 1. Patrick has referred to the Suck Shack as “the ultimate bodega, where you can get a chop cheese and a suck.”

The Ground Beef Room
The Ground Beef Rooms was the first of the rooms built in the Suck Shack. Caleb considers this to be the “main room” of the Suck Shack. The First Sucking between alsojakob and Caleb Pitts happened in the Beef Room during its construction.

The idea of The Ground Beef Room, in Caleb’s eyes, is to help the customers “get all of the bang out of their buck.” The Ground Beef Room is walled ceiling-to-floor with “ground beef” (in-game “granite”) to help customers last longer while getting sucked. Fitz also acknowledged that the ground beef would help mask the smell of the suckers, who would also presumably smell of ground beef.

The Mahogany Suck Den
The Mahogany Suck Den, also known as The Mahogany Room or “The Maghonany Suck Den,” was the second room conceived of for the Suck Shack. Patrick suggested the idea of “a wood room” during the construction of The Ground Beef Room, to which Caleb specified that such a room would have to be classified as “a suck den.”

CONFLICT: DESERT WORM
CONFLICT: DESERT WORM is a room with two boats inside of it. It was the third room built in the Suck Shack.

While the origin of CONFLICT: DESERT WORM is clear-cut, the development cycle for the room is long and confusing. Amidst a creative lapse from Caleb, Patrick suggested that the two of them make “a water room” where “we can be all underwater.” He quickly pivoted his idea, suggesting they need “the sand room” for the Suck Shack. The sand room was quickly pivoted to “the Dune Room,” a reference to the book and upcoming film of the same name.

Patrick insisted on building the room out of sand, because he holds the belief that “there’s nothing better than a dry suck.” He made an official announcement in the on-server text chat, stating “desert themed room at suck shack.” However, after dying and discovering a number of boats near the placeholder for what would become Schlatt & Co. Tower, Patrick and Caleb agreed to take the boats and add them to “the water room.”

While breaking ground on the new room, Patrick and Caleb stumbled into an already-explored mine shaft. The two agreed to occupy the space and build over it, but showed their creative differences in the process. Caleb noted that this room was going to be “the water room,” while Patrick corrected him by saying it was “the sand room.” There were plans to place a sign on the blocks in the mine bordering this room. The sign would read “Don’t bust this block open, or I might bust your melon.”

The two eventually reconciled and agreed to compromise, building the room’s interior with sand and filling it with water. The decision was unanimously made to keep this room “low-prof,” with Patrick likening the room to a sauna.

The room itself was subject to a number of design changes during its development. Caleb wanted a cactus to be featured prominently somewhere in the room, later changing it to a tree “floating” on a center island “like a Gary Larson cartoon.”

A number of names were suggested for this new room before making the final decision. While “the water room” and “the sand room” were verbal placeholders, Patrick originally wanted to name the room “Sandy Sauna.” Caleb then suggested that they call the room “The Mirage Room.” When pantomiming a theoretical Suck Shack customer as a proof-of-concept, Caleb was quoted as saying “Am I getting sucked off, or is this a mirage?” This was briefly changed to “The Desert Room,” before being scrapped altogether.

Eventually, Caleb asked Patrick out of the blue “what do you think about the name ‘CONFLICT: DESERT WORM?’” Patrick thought it was “perfect.” Caleb elected to give Patrick a second option for a name, but CONFLICT: DESERT WORM stuck. The name is a possible reference to the 2002 game Conflict: Desert Storm for Xbox, which itself is named after Operation Desert Storm, the codename for combat operations by US-Coalition forces in the 1990-91 Gulf War.

Bedrooms
Patrick and Caleb eventually elected to make themselves bedrooms to reset their spawn points, with Patrick constructing both after Caleb logged off on Day 1. Patrick made a modest-sized room but lined his floors with marble columns. Patrick made Caleb a much larger room. Currently, a sheep is housed in Caleb’s room.

Jollibee (Under Construction)
Patrick has plans to make a Jollibee inside of the Suck Shack. He currently lacks the wool needed to color room, so the restaurant's construction is on standby.

Suck Shack Slogans
Throughout the Suck Shack, there are a number of signs depicting slogans and thoughtful phrases meant to be read by patrons of the Suck Shack.

Caleb’s sign “Is it so wrong to be sucked?” is meant to be a thought exercise performed by skeptical patrons. Caleb hopes that the sign allows those to enter the Suck Shack with an open mind, ready for guilt-free sucks.

Patrick’s sign “Party Suckin In The House Tonight” is a parody of pop group LMFAO’s 2011 hit single “Party Rock Anthem (feat. Lauren Bennett & GoonRock).” Caleb hopes to put song lyrics all along the halls of the Suck Shack.

Next to the entrance of the Suck Shack main hallway is a sign that reads “off center on purpose.” This is a reference to the fact that Caleb built the doorway off-center on purpose, and not by accident.

Suck Shack Theme Songs
Caleb penned two unofficial theme songs for the Suck Shack absentmindedly while playing on Day 1. The first is “Suck Shack” to the tune of The B-52s’ song “Love Shack.” Here, Caleb substitutes the word “love” for “suck” in order to incorporate the name of the Suck Shack into the song.

Caleb’s second song, dubbed “Party Suck Anthem” or “Suck Party Anthem,” is a parody of the song “Party Rock Anthem (feat. Lauren Bennett & GoonRock” by LMFAO. The song was inspired by Patrick’s sign at the Suck Shack front desk, “Party Suckin’ In The House Tonight.” This is a more fleshed-out song than “Suck Shack,” with a full first verse and chorus of “Everyday I’m suckin’ him.”

While Caleb has dabbled in the art of song parody, both he and Patrick would like Matt Watson to make original music for the Suck Shack’s theme song.

Suck Shack Exterior
The stairs to the Suck Shack go down a one-wide hole in the ground. This hole is marked with a sign and is located within a forest of tall trees on the outskirts of Spawn. Caleb justified the group’s decision to construct the Suck Shack underground by saying that “[you] can't put a Suck Shack above-ground, too much heat on it.”

The Fish Pond
Above the entrance is a fishpond made of glass. Originally built as an improvised glass ceiling above the Suck Shack stairwell following a Creeper explosion, an anonymous user filled the glass-base hole with water. A glass bridge was built over the pond, and the water was filled with three unnamed tropical fish. The pond is now bordered by a wheat farm.

The Sequoia Forest
Patrick prefers to plant trees in a 2-by-2 grid to build massive, thick trees. He chops them down, but always makes sure to plant more because Patrick is an environmentalist. Michaelmcchill is credited for teaching Patrick how to make these types of trees, and can thus be credited with founding the Sequoia forest.

The “Free Shit” Box
The Suck Shack is home to the “Free Shit” box created by Patrick, done as a philanthropic gesture and a means to drive business, as those who contribute to the box are given “unlimited sucks.”

The Pen
Patrick made a small pen for animals. It is currently occupied by one sheep and one cow.

The Evil Hole
On Day 4 of the server, Caleb established that there is an “evil hole” outside of the Suck Shack where he and Patrick plot various evil deeds. It is marked by a little white penis made of dolomite.

Future Plans & Rumors

 * Patrick lured an unnamed sheep into the Suck Shack, whom now lives in Caleb’s room, and will be used to add dyed wool to the walls of the Suck Shack’s in-house Jollibee restaurant.


 * Patrick plans on capturing several Villagers to act as “employees” of the Suck Shack. Whether they will be the “suckers” has yet to be announced, but Patrick is building an employees quarters.


 * Caleb has mentioned that the Suck Shack will have its own hot dog stand, but it has yet to be constructed. It is not yet known if the in-house Jollibee will replace the hot dog stand or if it will serve hot dogs at all.


 * Fitz promised to build the Suck Shack an elevator at some point, but no plans have surfaced yet.


 * Ryan Magee suggested that Caleb and Patrick build “a Suck Shack in the sky.” This second location would be dubbed “The Mile-High Suck.” No construction has begun on the alternate location.


 * There are rumors circulating that, with enough gold, there will one day be a Suck Shack VIP Gold Room. The Premium Suck Shack Experience was first theorized by chat member sexualjumanji. Patrick has long wanted the Suck Shack to cater to a “distinguished clientele,” and the Suck Shack VIP Gold Room may be a means of attracting them.


 * Caleb wants to make a 1-to-1 perfect replica of The Belly Room from The Comedy Store at some point in the future.

Cancelled/Unfinished Rooms

 * Patrick suggested building a “Narrow Room” that would be one block wide and very long. The room would eventually become the hallway for the Mahogany Suck Den.


 * Caleb announced intentions of inventing a “Drive-Thru Suck Room,” a narrow circular hallway where patrons would “get sucked in the middle.” The room was never constructed.


 * Patrick suggested making a room themed after YouTuber Tobuscus, describing the room as “a nugget inside of a biscuit.” There was no progress put into the room.


 * Patrick made plans to build a “Stranger Things room,” but no progress has been made.


 * There is talks of a “Zinc Room” in the Suck Shack, meant to pay homage to the “goldmine of zinc” found inside of the Suck Shack’s Jolibee.

Reservations at the Suck Shack
Canonically, there has not yet been any method revealed about how to make reservations at the Suck Shack. Patrick has refused multiple walk-in customers, claiming that the phone is “ringin’ off the hook” with suitors, a possible reference to the "Caleb Pitts phone number leaking incident.” Patrick has claimed on Day 1 that one must answer “my riddles three” in order to get a reservation, but he has yet to deliver any riddles.

The Caleb Pitts Phone Number Leaking Incident
When Fitz tried to make the first-ever reservation at the Suck Shack, Caleb denied him because he wanted to establish that the Suck Shack was an appointment-only establishment. The Suck Shack did not have a phone number at the time, so Caleb decided to provide his real-life cell phone number on a sign at the Suck Shack’s front desk. This phone number was displayed on multiple streams, including Fitz’s 6,000-viewer stream; Caleb received phone calls almost immediately. On Day 2, he claimed that he is currently playing phone games with some of those who have contacted him.

A sucking was booked via the doxxed cell phone for the end of July. Caleb claimed prior to the first booking that all suckings had been booked through the month of May. Upon the entry of user alsojakob, Caleb predicted the Suck Shack would be booked through the first four years of its establishment.

You can view the incident on PodcastAboutList’s stream vod “i put mustard on my worm #epicsmp”

How to Get an “Unlimited Sucks” Voucher
Jschlatt is the only member of the server with an “unlimited sucks” voucher. This binding contract was offered to JSchlatt as a sign of thanks after he helped Patrick “boss up.”

While some argue that the voucher is given out on a merit basis, the monetary value of “unlimited sucks” can be deduced. Using the transaction between JSchlatt and Patrick, it can be estimated that an “unlimited sucks” voucher is worth 7 diamonds on the open market.

The First Sucking
Alsojakob received what was known as The First Sucking during the initial construction of The Ground Beef Room. Caleb was the user to deliver The First Sucking. Unfortunately, a rift between Caleb and alsojakob resulted in Caleb issuing alsojakob a lifetime ban from the Suck Shack.

Notable Customers

 * Obama


 * Armie Hammer (Banned from the Suck Shack)
 * Alsojakob, recipient of The First Sucking (also banned for life)


 * JSchlatt (Awarded "ulimited" sucks for giving Patrick diamonds)

The Second Sucking
Members of the PodcastAboutList community debate about the number of suckings that took place on Day 1 of the EpicSMP server. User alsojakob is confirmed to be the First Suckee of the Suck Shack. However, some in the community believe that an Enderman may have been the recipient of a theoretical “Second Sucking.”

Following The First Sucking, Patrick, Caleb, and Fitz encountered an Enderman in the underground stairwell outside of the Suck Shack. Patrick and Caleb welcomed the Enderman into their home. When the Enderman teleported away, Caleb claimed that he was “sucked out.” The Enderman returned however, killing Caleb and Patrick.

Moments before his death, Patrick can be heard saying “I’m trying to suck him off.” The Enderman takes damage as Patrick approaches him, but he kills Patrick quickly after. Some hold the belief that Patrick made an attempt to suck the Enderman and was successful before being slain. These users cite the idea of “hand stuff” being a potential service in the Suck Shack, and that the Enderman counts as a satisfied customer if he was able to get service at the Suck Shack.

Detractors, however, claim that Caleb established precedent that the act of sucking involves crouching as your in-game character. This form was made canon during The First Sucking in The Beef Room and was caught on multiple streams. Because of this establishment of form, it can be confirmed that Patrick definitely did not crouch after attempting to suck the Enderman. This faction of the community also detests the notion of “hand stuff,” believing that such low-brow acts would not be performed at a distinguished establishment like the Suck Shack. Neither Patrick nor Caleb have ever mentioned “hand stuff” on-stream within the context of the Suck Shack.

Meta-Controversies
In addition to the debate surrounding the Second Sucking, members of the PodcastAboutList community also are divided on the issue of the meaning of the controversy of the second sucking itself. Some contend that the occurrence of The Second Sucking should be accepted and noted as an allusion to The Second Coming by WB Yeats, this would be viewed as a lofty reinforcement of Caleb and Patrick’s evil personas.

Detractors from this view posit that the Second Sucking controversy is a practical actuality, which is more analogous to the Sunni-Shi’a split with the Second Sucking deniers viewing the next (coming) sucking as the true second sucking, mirroring the differing views on the succession to Muhammad. This view is deemed as canonically acceptable due to Caleb’s past comments on alternative religious views, he has stated his religion is hip hop, his god is rap artists, and his bible is their lyrics, this comes in addition to Patrick’s foreign policy proposals (he has proposed the facilitation of world peace vis-à-vis marijuana consumption).

Suck Shack Trivia

 * Patrick considers the Janitor’s Closet to be “the most important room in the Suck Shack.”
 * Caleb established the idea of the Suck Shack Suckee of the Day. Patrick was granted the award for Day 1, but none have been administered since.


 * Matt Watson wants to add a room to the Suck Shack where the walls are made of glass backed with lava. Matt believes that “sometimes you need to get scared when you’re getting sucked off.”